I asked in an Instagram story for some suggestions on what topics I should write on over the next couple of weeks, and there were some great suggestions (make sure you check my blog regularly to see what I’ll be writing). By far my favourite suggestion was talking about body positivity, following on from my previous blog post about being bigger than my boyfriend.
Body positivity and self-love are so important and very easy to preach, but it can be difficult to put into practice – especially when you don’t fall into what the media deems conventionally beautiful. I’m currently the biggest I’ve ever been, and although I’m trying to get to grips with the idea of loving myself regardless of my size, I still have the fair few meltdowns.
A large part of me wants to drop about 10 dress sizes: I hate feeling restricted when clothes shopping, I hate going to places where I know I haven’t seen people since I was smaller, for fear of silent judgement of how I’ve let myself go. I’ve convinced myself that my double chin is the most horrendous thing I’ve ever seen, and that I don’t care about my body as long as I have a skinny face. I used to be terrified to eat in front of strangers, again scared of judgement for being a big girl who enjoys food. I went to a wedding yesterday with my boyfriend and spent a good 20 mins having a tantrum just because I didn’t feel pretty in my body or size – and yet, I scroll through Instagram fangirling women my size and bigger – the features I admire and actively envy on other people, I criticise and punish myself for having.
For me, this shows that my mindset is toxic: my body isn’t the problem, it’s my perspective on it. I wish I could look at myself the same way I do Instagram plus-size role models – it’s so much easier said than done, BUT this needs to change. If I think big tummies are cute on other people, why do I hate mine? Why are the same characteristics ugly on my body, but beautiful on others?
I know this is such a common mindset these days, but we need to start cutting ourselves some slack – as well as taking time out of our day to stop and challenge the negative thoughts.
At the end of the day, it is so easy to sit and criticise, berate and pick out everything we hate about ourselves – if we could only compliment ourselves just as easily. So that’s my new mindset: although I do want to be more active and increase my fitness, I’m not a villain for being a big girl. My body is big, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.
The next time I find myself staring in the mirror, rehearsing in my head all my countless faults, I will challenge it. My body may not look like other peoples, but it’s special because it’s mine – you only get one, so why not celebrate it instead of chastising? Celebrities and the majority of society are constantly pushing the message that it’s disgusting to put on weight – If I could stress anything in this blog post it would be that your body is what you perceive it to be. Instead of listening to the constant fat-shaming propaganda, please place worth on your own body.
Thank you for reading – don’t forget to praise yourself and your body! We all have insecurities, but it’s important to practise self-love in accepting these ‘faults’, and loving your body regardless. Despite size, colour, shape, you’re a bad bitch if you believe it x